A Tapered Mind

My workload has been pretty light around the office recently, which has been both a blessing and a curse. Curse in that I’m often bored to tears, blessed in that now TV shows are being streamed online and I can watch them.

Such was the case the other day on imdb.com with “The Tudors” the new Showtime series starring Jonathan Rhys Meyers (he of dreamy accent, nice bone structure, and fatty fat lips) as a dashing young Henry VIII. Although riddled with historical bloopers, the show is pretty entertaining. It’s nice to see Sam Neill not looking embarassed by his work. However, I had forgotten taht since the show is meant to air on pay cable, the sex scenes (after all, there are 8 wives and numerous lovers to cover over the course of the series) are pretty graphic and raunchy. Not the best viewing at work.

Needless to say, I found that I can close a computer window pretty darn quickly, so that everyone in the office doesn’t write me off not only as lazy but a total pervert.

People who work a few rows down from me are leaving.

Two people to be exact. Today is their last day and I’m seriously beaming with happiness. Not because they’ve really “wronged” me in any way, it’s just that they make personal phone calls all day long, and…..

They have the most irritating voices EVER.

She sounds like Minnie Mouse, even squealier and higher pitched.

He sounds like Truman Capote, except more whiny and nasal.

Is it wrong to hate people passionately just because of the sound of their voices? Oh well. They’re packing their desks up right now. Can you hear it? The sweetest sounds I’ve heard in a while.

I hate you Renee!!!

I don’t care if you have a baby. You’re mean, and a bad model.

But mostly, you’re mean.

“Once you have been tagged, you have to write a blog with ten weird or random things, facts, or habits about yourself. At the end, you choose ten people to be tagged, listing their names and why you tagged them.”

(Ok, I’ll play along. It’s not like I’ve been given any work to do…)

1) I think I’m a hilarious splice of my parents genetics. My mother in her youth had curly black hair, while my father had straight blonde hair. Mum’s eyes are green, Dad’s brown. Subsequently I ended up with wavy brown hair and hazel eyes. Pretty neat trick, DNA.

2) My big dream is to one day write and perform for movies and television, kind of like Mindy Kaling (Kelly on “The Office”) or Tina Fey or Emma Thompson. Those women who are smart enough to be writers, yet funny and charismatic enough to perform – those are my heroes.

3) I still haven’t read “Catcher In The Rye” and at this point, I’m afraid I’m too old and I’ll just think Holden Caulfield is a total douchebag. Am I wrong?

4) One time I drove 9 hours through the night just to spend a few hours with a friend I knew I wasn’t going to get to see again for a long time.

5) My favorite feature is the bridge of my nose. It is just dinged up enough without being broken. It hosts a smattering of freckles. It is just delightful.

6) A really weird habit I have is to just sit around and think about my name. Sometimes it strikes me as odd that my name is Jamie. I don’t know what else it would be, but I end up just saying my name in my head over and over as if hearing it for the first time. Then I wonder if it would throw people off if I were to change the spelling of my name to Jamey. It probably would.

7) When my grandmother was nearing the end of her life, she was losing a lot of her memory. We used to watch “Murder, She Wrote” together often, and sometimes she wouldn’t recall that we had seen the episode already, so I pretended to be really clever and “figure out” who the killer was within the first five minutes of the show!! I like to imagine that she thought she had an intelligent granddaughter. She is probably looking down on me from heaven and laughing her ass off!

I firmly believe Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” is the greatest song to dance to EVER.

9) I love comic books and superhero stuff. I used to wish I were a mutant so I could join the X-Men. I’m going to try and go to ComiCon in San Diego this summer with Peter and Kim.

10) Sometimes I worry that my dreams are too big and beautiful to fit into “real life” but that hasn’t stopped me from going after them full force. Only recently have I begun to really understand and embrace the concept of “carpe diem.”

So, who gets tagged?

Corey, Libby, Megan, Leigh, and Diana F. – because they’re the people who tell me they’ve actually read my nonsense blogs at some point. If more people actually do, feel free to go bananas with this, I just didn’t want to force you

Taking a page from the blog of Miss Katie Cheek, I too am encouraging the world, nay the galaxy, to go to BAM before March 31st and see the dance version of “Edward Scissorhands” directed and choreographed by that genius (and I don’t use that term lightly) Matthew Bourne.

*Warning* This show has no words. It’s not the movie on stage. It’s a gorgeous and unique dance play that uses the movie as its inspiration and basis, but makes an impression all its own.

Matthew Bourne (with whom I’m somewhat enamored) is the brilliant mind who created the all-male “Swan Lake”, the auto-erotic “Car Man” as well as the delightful new “Nutcracker” and the piece that truly changed my views on theatre…”Play Without Words”

So between incredible music (a blend of the Danny Elfman score and new compositions) mind blowing set pieces, and joyous movements you really can’t miss out. I’m totally going back to see it again, if you want to come with.

(PS. There are two young men who dance the part of Edward – I saw Sam Archer, and he’s brilliant. An incredible dancer, and he looks like one of my dearest friends, but complete with dreamy English accent!)

I am such a huge fan of solo concert-going. While it’s still a blast to go with friends, there’s something really nice about just having a night to enjoy live music alone.

Last night I saw The Shins at Madision Square Garden. They were terrific! I actually think they might sound better live, without that extra tweaking from computers in the producing studio. And they played EVERY SINGLE SONG that I had hoped to hear, which almost never happens. They seem like really nice guys, joking around and laughing together on stage, as if they were playing some small Portland coffee house, rather than one of the most awe-inspiring venues in the US! So lovely, such a blast!

The only down side (and really, this would have freaked anybody out a bit) was the fact that I was seated in a very tiny box with two makey-outey teenage couples, who were clearly excited to find another dark spot filled with music to make out in. One couple was pretty cute, while I was concerned the other were going to conceive their first child mere inches away from my purse. Yikes. But who can blame them, when such great music is in the air?

I’m not quite sure what to make of this huge Viacom vs. Google/YouTube lawsuit (if you have no fucking clue what I’m talking about, read a newspaper or check CNN).

For Viacom, I see that in this brave new world of information technology, what happens to the concept of intellectual property? The minute something is broadcast into the airwaves, it can automatically end up on the internet, whether you want it to or not. Do we need people constantly policing online content? But if you put something out there, don’t you WANT people to see it?

For Google/YouTube, their services have opened up a whole new world of being able to share information, experiences and other visual goodies. Film careers are being launched online. But is it fair to post something you don’t have the rights to? But where else will I find that obscure commerical or music video?

Oh brave new world…..

A man five hours ahead of me in the future said my name and I heard it!! Amazing!

Or should I say, I emailed the University of Edinburgh radio show, “Fresh Air” (which Carrie told me to tune into) and liked what I heard so much I thought they should know they were saving me from a very dull Friday at work! And they read my email on the air! It was so cool! Even cooler was the fact Ainslie Henderson was in the studio (ok, maybe that’s why I tuned in in the first place) and he heard it too!

The bad part was that I have a boy’s name and they thought I was a fella.

Oh well. It doesn’t stop being awesome. It really made my Friday.

What made my Friday weird was the fact that the elevator in the building where I work smells suspiciously of Corn Chips and Bleach. Not that I know what that smells like when combined, but those were two distinct odors my sniffer picked up. Strange things are afoot….

The dictionary defines “asphyxiation” as “to cause to die or lose consciousness by impairing normal breathing, as by gas or other noxious agents; choke; suffocate; smother”.

Which is exactly what is happening to me right this minute, because somewhat in a nearby cubicle is wearing a bucket of cologne. A huge bucket’s worth. I’m pretty sure it’s cologne and not perfume, but whatever it is, it is freaking me out and I’d laugh (and cry) if it triggered an asthma attack. How would I explain that to my supervisor?

“I know I’m only a temp, sir, but I need to go home because someone’s pimp juice made my lungs spasm and I couldn’t breathe, so I blacked out and smashed my face on the desk. Thank you for understanding.”

I have a feeling that won’t fly.

I really do like cologne on gents in small doses. SMALL DOSES, FELLAS.