I’m probably the last person in the world to know this but….

OH MY GOD!! They’ve cast Christopher Eccleston as Destro!!! (Squeal!)

(For people with more active social lives, this roughly translates as “the Former Dr. Who Will Be Playing the Bad-Ass Villian of G.I. Joe”) Need more visual clues? Try this:

 NOW EQUALS

I mean, I love Christopher Eccleston. I love love love him. So when I say he has the perfect shaped head to be encased in a giant chrome mask, I say it with all the love in my heart. He’s going to be fierce! So fucking great! Playing his sultry sidekick, the Baroness is Sienna Miller. While I’m not %100 this is a good idea, I’m willing to give her a chance, because I still think she was very good in Factory Girl. So maybe she’ll be a great Baroness! At least she’ll look cool. I always wanted to play the Baroness. Most girls with glasses, dark hair, and evil personalities do. She’s kind of like our patron saint. So if Sienna Miller falls down a flight of stairs, DO NOT COME LOOKING FOR ME. (I’ll be too busy cutting together my audition tape! Heehee!)

At some point, I’m sure I’ll talk about how unattractive I find Channing Tatum, who’s been cast as Duke. Sure, he’s got a great body, but something in his face just says “Possible Murderer” to me and I don’t like that. It’s not like Hollywood has a shortage of attractive, jacked-up, blonde actors. But that’s for another day, I’m afraid. I actually need to do other stuff.