Oh, I’m sorry. Did you miss this chapter in the bible? The parable of the prodigal bras? It’s an oldie, but a goodie. It goes like this:

A few weeks ago I got my laundry back from the cleaners (because I am now a fancy lady who pays strangers to wash her clothes – bougeois!) and found that my bras – count, about six of them – were missing. I tossed my room, thinking maybe they got misplaced when I put my shirts away. No good. I was so so sad. Six bras at todays’s prices (boys, when you next take off your girlfriends bra, be appreciative, cuz those suckers are not inexpensive) would be a dent in my paycheck to replace. I was reduced to going to the B-Squad of bras I’d had since high school and jr. high.

When I went to the laundromat to explain what happened, I was really nervous, because I knew this was an innocent mistake, that no one would really be pawning secondhand undergarments on the Upper East Side black market. How could I get reimbursed without coming off a complete jerk? The proprietress of the laundromat took my number and said they’d look for my bras. A week passed and nothing. I faced facts. I was going to have to shell out for a bunch of new bras because some crazy thief had my old ones!

I was completely down. Could anything else go wrong? As I packed my bag last night for the gym, I realized I needed a towel if I was going to go swimming so I grabbed my ratty old “Beauty and the Beast” (yeah, from the cartoon – so old, so awesome) towel, which had recently been washed and was about to re-fold it to fit in my gym bag when – lo and behold – all my missing bras fell out of the center of the towel!! They had been completely hidden inside!

My heart soared! My property returned to me! Now I don’t have to shell out all that cash to replace them! I feel complete once again. And I also don’t have to be a bitch to the laundromat workers, which is a relief.