For the faint of heart or stomach, if you don’t enjoy in depth conversations about how the world could be changed by bodily emissions….TURN BACK!!! Check in next time for thoughts on cute boys, superheroes, and glitter.

For those who dare to soldier on….wouldn’t it be amazing if our cars could run on free people gas, not gas that is expensive, environmentally destructive, and conflict-causing?

My best friend farts all the damn time. ALL THE DAMN TIME. And because she is really cute, no one faults her farts. She could probably power a fleet of trucks on her emissions alone. To think, the gastrointestinal distress of one girl could really change the world.

I’m more of a burper myself. I am glad I am built that way. Sometimes my burps are so loud I surprise myself! Those are the ones that make me laugh, so it goes burp, laugh, burp, laugh laugh, which usually results in hiccups. (WHICH I HAVE FOUND A CURE FOR AND WILL DETAIL LATER – I’M GONNA BE RICH, BIATCH!!) One summer, I was outside working and was super hot and dehydrated, so I grabbed a soda and chugged it really fast. Bad call. Moments later I burped a burp so monumental I fell down. Yes, my burp knocked me down. Since I was already on the ground, I rolled around in the grass laughing for the next five minutes. It was my favorite moment of the summer….classy. And gassy. But really, more classy.

So scientists of the world, if you could devise a car to run on people gas, not only would our transit be more efficient, but we would have a really good laugh in the process, and make the world a happier place.