This installment of Lunch Hour Stories is so good I actually came back a full 15 minutes early to write about it while it was still fresh in my mind. It was that amusing.

1. Ran into Dustin Hoffman on 63rd & Broadway. Little sunglasses cannot hide you Mr. Hoffman. You have a rather distinctive face. But you’re not as short as I thought you’d be! I’ve heard all these stories about how short you are! I guess I just blew those out of proportion and expected you to be a midget, excuse me, a gnome. Anyway, I could tell that you could tell that I knew who you were, but no worries man, I’m not going to blow your cover! I am friend to celebrity and mortal alike!

2. Sucked an unGodly amount of Coconut conditioner up my nose by accident. Yes, that’s right. Read the sentence again. Because that is what happened. I’m about to run out of conditioner, so I stopped by Duane Reade (the pharmacy, for you non New Yorkers) and perused the offerings. I saw a one labeled “Coconut Milk” and picked it up.  I sniffed the nozzle, hoping to get a whiff of it (hoping it smelled nice and beachy and tropical). I couldn’t smell it, so I gently squeezed the bottle, which USUALLY just puffs a little bit of scented air out, but apparently this bottle was very VERY full, and blew a steady stream of Coconut Milk Conditioner directly up my nose!! I wiped away as much as I could, but there is still a distinctive odor trapped in my nasal canal. I’m pretty sure it went up into my brain too. But I guess I can look on the bright side and just be happy that the nose hairs in my right nostril will be more shiny and manageable than ever before.

I did not buy the conditioner.