Wealthy wastes of space: 1

American Judicial System: 0

That’s right folks, Paris Hilton is already out of jail! MSN.com sayeth “After only three days behind bars, Paris Hilton traded a 12-by-8-foot cell for her 2,700-square-foot Hollywood Hills home when she was released early Thursday because of an unspecified medical condition.

Hilton will be under home confinement, wearing an electronic monitoring ankle bracelet, for the remaining 40 days of her sentence for violating probation in a reckless driving case.”

And to think, Jesus Christ could only handle being dead for 3 days, much like Paris can only handle 72 hours of minimum security lockup. The comparisons are inevitable!!! (The movie will feature Nicole Richie as Judas, and the Judge who sentenced her as Pontius Pilate).

*obviously this whole thing makes me sad/blind with rage*

Because nothing says “Paying your debt to society” like being “confined” to your BAZILLION dollar mansion complete with all the comforts of a shopping mall! Are you for serious?!? And I’m really hoping to get details of her “unspecified medical condition” that got her sprung early from the pokey (God, I love the word “pokey”). Last time I checked, being an unmitigated waste of human life didn’t qualify as a medical condition. (I considered putting up a picture of Paris, but then decided I didnt’ want an image of her to desecrate my online photobucket.)

So what lesson have we learned from this, America? That when you are a celebrity filthy rich, the law doesn’t really apply to you. I think my parents punished me more severely for not finishing my spinach when I was nine years old (and look! now I love spinach!)

A few of my friends are young legal practitioners and they can not make any sense of these procedings. It’s like the infamous “Chewbacca Defense” used to great effect by Johnny Cochran on South Park. “If Chewbacca is a Wookie, you must acquit…etc. etc.”

I guess all we can do is wait. Wait for her to get crunked, get behind the wheel, and kill somebody. Also wait for Martha Stewart and Lil’ Kim to gang up on her and give her ass a beating, because THOSE ladies served their time!!