With the impending release of the live-action TRANSFORMERS movie, I would like to make some attempt to explain my first REAL celebrity love.

While Neil Patrick Harris will always remain my first boy-doctor-turned-Broadway-actor-actually-a-homosexual crush, there will always be a soft spot in my heart for:

HOT ROD!! (aka “Rodimus Prime”)

Oh Hot Rod. Voiced by none other than Judd Nelson (“The Breakfast Club” and “St. Elmo’s Fire”) Hot Rod is a hero for the ages, the perfect boyfriend. He is a hip, young robot who happens to turn into a fuckin’ sweet euro-style sportscar!!! (swoon). In fact, when you google “Hot Rod” you come upon a Transformers website (http://www.tftm.net/characters.shtmlthat) that describes him thus:

Hot Rod is an all-American-boy Autobot. He’s a typical adolescent who dreams of being heroic and important. He tends to follow rules too closely. Although he means well, Hot Rod’s impulsive actions often get him into trouble. He carries two photon lasers that temporarily electromagnetize an enemy robot’s microcircuts. Speed: 120mph. Range: 4 miles. He can be hotheaded, but he’s always a well meaning, admirable lad and a brave and honorable fighter.

Any of my girlfriends will tell you that is EXACTLY my type, just in robot form. Especially the thing about photon lasers that electromagnetize your microcircuits. What a catch.

(Ps. I just nerdishly checked imdb.com and found that Shia LeBeouf’s character is none other than SPIKE WITWICKY, who is the grown-up human in the cartoon! COOL)