My co-worker Mike* (not his real name…or is it? No, it’s not, I promise. Or am I a liar? No really, his name isn’t Mike) has a serious anger management problem. Like I’ve never seen. I mean, I don’t fear for my safety around him, because even though he’s a big guy, he’s not muscley, and I know I could take him. Anyway, not the point.

Mike needs help. Every day, multiple times per day, he gets into an aggressive shouting match of hatred with someone on the phone. I’m assuming it’s the same person every day, but I can’t be sure. Is it a wife? Girlfriend? Who the HELL would date this guy? There is so much anger and acid hurled in his words it makes everyone on our floor (because we can all hear him) REALLY uncomfortable. The average conversation goes somewhat like this (I only hear his side, obviously)

(Phone rings)

Mike: WHAT? Why are you calling me now? (Pause) This is the last damn time. I don’t have time for this. I’m very busy (This is not true). Fine. FINE I SAID. (Deep sigh) I don’t feel well. (He says this at least once a day) I can’t download that file for you. Why not? Because I said I can’t!!! (Slams down phone)

This conversation takes place at least four times a day. Maybe Mike is waiting for someone to ask “Hey man, you ok?” but since we are all TERRIFIED he will unleash his UNWARRANTED RAGE upon us, I am more inclined to leave him the fuck alone.