I wonder if after I die the “Lunch Hour Stories” will be published as some collection of tales under the title “My Lunches with Julie.” Today we saw 3 hilarious / disturbing / amazing things (in that order).

1. Hilarious. We came to where Columbus Circle meets Central Park and sat down to enjoy our delicious lunches. Today I ate brown rice and salad (healthy) topped off with a giant cookie (poor choice). As we walked over we saw, in the middle of the fountain area, an inflatable Aero Bed just sitting there, complete with makeshift night table and lamp plugged into nothing. There was an man with a commerical camera, and an old woman holding a microphone. We sat on the bench and watch intently. People walking in the park would stop and come over to the Aero Bed and pause to lie down for a moment. The moment they hit the inflated rubber, they were rushed at by the camera and mircophone and “interviewed”…for a commercial!! (This will clearly be the worst commerical ever). I guess I’m wondering what prevented some jerk (like me) from just taking a running start and flying through the air onto the mattress, causing it to probably explode. That would have been quite a sight. Also I think inflating a mattress in the middle of a park is kind of a big fuck you to the homeless.

2. Disturbing. There were these two kids, a boy and a girl,¬†running around the fountain, God only knows where their parents were (Julie pointed out that they could be kidnapped very easily) and it was kind of upsetting! Who is such a bad parent that they let their toddlers run off!? But the most disturbing part was when the little girl got down on her knees and the boy jumped on her back like riding a pony. Except it didn’t look like riding a pony at all. It looked like Basic Instinct. I was thoroughly horrified and almost ran across the park to separate them, lest they cause some irreversible psychological damage to their toddler brains.

3. Amazing. Pidgeons are everywhere in NYC, especially parks. Today, as we were finishing up, a pidgeon passed by us…and sneezed! I didn’t know pidgeons COULD sneeze (I’m honestly still not %100 convinced). But…ewww. Like pidgeons are riddled with disease already, now they can sneeze?!? It’s just too much for me to handle.