Yesterday, I finally got my driver’s license renewed. As the nice lady with really long, airbrushed fingernails handed it to me, I thought there had been some kind of mistake. But that was in fact me in the picture.

“Look at this” I handed the card over to my mother, as we walked out of the DMV, “I look really tan. REALLY tan. And mildly retarded.” She did not disagree.

I needed another opinion. DAD. I showed him my new license. “Really weirdly tan, right? Maybe they have a filter on the camera lense or something?”

My Dad was quiet. Then he started to softly sing and cackle with laughter….

“Oompa-loompa, doopity-doo…I’ve got another puzzle for you!”

MY OWN DAD ACKNOWLEDGES THAT I LOOK LIKE AN OOMPA-LOOMPA ON MY DRIVER’S LICENSE.

“Actually” he ammended “Like an oompa loompa and George Hamilton combined.”

So, like this, Dad?

MEETS

Great. Just….great. I’m not going to post my picture, but don’t worry, I’ll have this license until 2012 (my 30th birthday) so I’m sure you’ll have the chance to ridicule it in good time.

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