I am friends with famous people. You didn’t know? Well it’s true. I went to see my friend Shira in the AWESOME Broadway show “Frost/Nixon” at the Bernard B. Jacobs theatre.

The show itself is really sharp. And historically accurate. And entertaining. To combine these three traits is actually near-impossible. The cast is rock-solid and staging is bare but very effective. I’d recommend it to everyone!

But this entry is not about the play. It’s about the two face-offs I had that evening. I am a classy lady. If there is anything my parents taught me, it was to shake hands firmly when you meet someone and always be ready to break a chair over someone’s head at the theatre.

Fight #1: Wylie vs. The Elderly

Fact: Once you reach the age of 75, you can no longer whisper. It’s true. Ask your doctor. But when Old People are the majority of NYC theatre-goers, they are impossible to avoid. And if they don’t have their assisted-listening devices turned up to earth-shattering decible levels, they are going to ask what is going on….VERY LOUDLY. For example, at “Frost/Nixon” during the climactic showdown between David Frost and Richard Nixon, the old lady next to me turned to her husband and asked loudly “DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN THESE INTERVIEWS AIRED? I COULDN’T SIT THROUGH THEM.” I almost died of embarassment to be seated next to her. Her husband mumbled something back (he kept making noises like he was about to vomit, so I guess I can thank my lucky stars he didn’t) and she went “WHAAAT?” at which point I hissed “SSHHHHuuut it.” I don’t know if she heard me (I’m not sure she would have heard the explosion at Hiroshima) but she quieted down.

Standings – Wylie: 1  The Elderly: 0

Fight #2: Wylie vs. Beckinsale

While leaving “Frost/Nixon” I glanced around me and caught the gaze of a pretty brunette woman. After a blink I realized this woman staring at me was Kate Beckinsale!! She was looking at me with this kind of crazy intensity, I was really thrown off. (Kate Beckinsale was Michael Sheen’s girlfriend for years, they have a daughter together, that’s why she was at the show). We seriously held gaze for about 10 seconds (which doesn’t seem long, but is when you’re staring at a stranger). None of the old people knew who she was. She looked at me as if to say “I can tell you recognize me, but please, I’m with my child, if you make a scene I will tear your heart out.” I should have said “Oh Kate Beckinsale, your privacy is safe with me” but I think I just shot her back a look that said “Girl, don’t you give me that look. I saw Underworld and I will put a stake through your heart like whoa.” Then it was over.

Standings – Wylie vs. Beckinsale: Draw.

My throwdown standings are currently 1-0-1.

At least I beat the elderly. I can sleep well at night for that one.