The following story was too good not to share, but alas I personally did not see or hear it. The account given is from a dear friend who witnessed the entire spectacle with eyes agog and mouth agape. You’ll have to take our word for it.

Do you know Mr. Martinez? Anyone who lives in NYC has seen his commercial. It’s a very effective/gross non-smoking campaign which shows Mr. M, who had a tracheotomy at 39 because he rotted away his throat with cigs. He has a visible hole in his throat and speaks through one of those throat vibration gizmos.

My friend was at work, gazing out the window during his mindless tasks when he saw a man in a blue hawaiian shirt and head wrap approach the poster of Mr. Martinez and begin to have an animated conversation with it.

Now OBVIOUSLY this fellow is crazy. Talking to posters is just….not…what you do….when you have fully functional brain capacity.

So CM (that is what we’ll call Crazy Man) is talking with the poster of Mr. M, when he suddenly leans in and begins to make out with the poster!! And not just kissing (like that makes it any less fucking freaky) but MAKING OUT with Mr. M. Like 9 1/2 Weeks making out with Mr. M. Then CM suddenly pulls away and starts to talk, a little more urgently to the poster. Almost pleading with it. And just when you thought you’d seen it all, he goes in for the kill again, passionately sucking face with the poster of a face with no throat. I mean…..really?

My favorite part is when CM pulls away from the 2nd round of makey-outey time and begins to argue with Mr. Martinez. My friend could not hear the argument, but we imagine it was something like “You’re so two-dimensional” or “You gave me a paper cut, you whore.” Then CM just stormed away, leaving his poster lover in the dust. I guess the lesson learned is, if you are a TOTALLY NUTTERS crazy guy, don’t get into a relationship with a poster of a fellow who had a tracheotomy because you will just get hurt in the end.

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