I have some advice for young women in the UK. Now, obviously, this advice doesn’t apply to EVERYONE, but I’ve been seeing some things that need addressing. Mostly….

 EASE UP ON THE EYELINER!!!

Good God you all look like racoons! How can your eyes be beautiful if they can’t be seen under miles of dark coal!!  Nothing highlights the crazy look in your eyes like gobs of eyeliner and mascara. Tone down your obvious insanity.

Also

BREAST IMPLANTS CAN GO TOO FAR.

Seriously. When they’re bigger than your head, something is wrong.

And finally, DON’T DRESS LIKE A PROSTITUTE AND EXPECT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.

Just look at this photo (of UK celebrity “Jordan”) and do the opposite, women of Britain. Please? How about a little less

And a little bit more

There now. Look at Keira. Isn’t that better?

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