September 2007


I swear to God I’m not making this up. This is all from one man sitting near me at the coffee shop. The following sound bites are all from this one crazy old English man speaking to a young Japanese student who clearly doesn’t know how to stop him.

“Well, we won the war because Churchill was a Sagitarius.”

Now this wouldn’t be so upsetting if the old man wasn’t distinguished looking and wearing a suit. He doesn’t LOOK crazy. But he obviously is. Because he said it in all sincerity. And then continued to talk about his own sign (Aries) and how it made him who he is. Even worse…the Japanese guy was completely enthralled.

Oh Jesus, he also just said:

“All the pretty girls are from Slovakia. Like her (points to random woman who may or may not be from Slovakia, but I’m guessing no) From Eastern Europe. That’s why I speak all those languages, to meet those beautiful girls.”

And he finally just said:

“The only thing to fear is fear itself.”

And he was trying to pass that off as his own pearl of wisdom. Classy. You old fucking freak.

Help.

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1. I saw milk being delivered this morning! To a person’s home. By…a milkman. I have never seen such a thing in my entire life (and I have seen much in my years…all 25 of them). It was cool. I was probably staring. The milkman looked a little scared. But I feel pretty good, about seeing something I’ve never seen before, just heard about in stories…from ye olden times.

2. http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/video/#mea=161141

It’s my favorite show. And I can’t get the online episodes over here because…well, frankly I don’t know. It’s really upsetting. I am MISSING things! But I found this on the show’s website, and it made me happy. However, if you don’t follow the US “Office” don’t bother. It kind of only makes sense to the die hard fans.

This blog entry has been brough to you by the letters A and D, as well as espresso and the blatant abuse of the “…” to extend my thoughts.

Ooooh, Look how AWESOME this is!!! It’s so silly I actually love it. I would never buy it, but I’m glad it exsits.

My giant uber nerd fantasy just came true (Ok, maybe not entirely, usually my uber nerd fantasy features Apollo from “Battlestar Galactica” but that’s for another day). Do you know what this IS?! It’s a USB port shaped like the Tardis from Doctor Who!! Amazon.com describes the product as: Four port powered USB 2.0 hub – allows you to connect multiple USB devices to your computer. You can use the TARDIS as a non-powered hub by plugging it into your USB port and not using the power supply it comes with. When powered, and you plug it into the USB port on your computer, the blue light on the top lights up and when you plug anything into the TARDIS itself, it makes the classic ‘dematerialisation’ noise and the light slowly flashes on and off. There is a button on the back to switch the sound off if required!

It’s got the lights! And makes the noise! (Oh I live for the noise!) And it’s (somewhat) useful.  Neat-o.

Congrats London! In week one and a half, you have managed to produce a freak-on-a-bus to rival any freak-on-a-bus New York has ever seen!! Maybe the most gloriously freaky freak ever.

I will call him: Raggedy Anndrogynous. Because he seriously looked like the love child of Raggedy Ann and Lou from “Little Britain.”

plus

RA was definitely a dude (complete with bulging Adam’s apple and 5 o’clock shadow, but he was dressed head to toe in pink and purple sweats, and was brushing out his gel-infused, shoulder length, candy apple red curls. I seriously could not take my eyes off of him.

I mean, was he just eccentric? Or should I put out an APB to several asylums to see if they happen to be missing a crazy man? A crazy man with horrendous fashion sense?

My favorite moment with Raggedy Anndrogynous was when he pulled out a pocket pack of tissues, removed them from the original packaging, and began meticulously re-folding them. I glanced at the lady sitting next to me, a young Latina woman, and she too was staring at him and looked flabberghasted. She was as unnerved and stupefied as I. I guess I wasn’t really frightened, more amused. Because I’m sad to say, I think even I (an actual lady) am more manly than Raggedy Anndrogynous.

Quick blog today.

So I’m at Starbucks (for the internet, I swear) and there are three snotty English girls at the table next to me. One of them just said, “Look at the art on these walls. It’s shit.”

Uhm, miss, if you look at the names of the artists, you’ll find THEY ARE ALL CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 8!!

You’re an even bigger jerk than I am.

I should say “Why don’t you just shut your cakehole and keep eating that croissant, Fatterson.”

But I wouldn’t say that ever. Because I keep emotions on the inside. Where they belong.

Ok, maybe you guys knew this and I didn’t (why didn’t you tell me?) that when you live in a cute but sort of ghetto flat in London, you get your electricity but unplugging a small key out of the wall, taking it down to your local gas station, and asking them to “top it up” with money.

WHAT THE HELL?

Does nobody believe in good old fashioned “bills” anymore? It was really weird to get my electricity at the gas station this morning, let me tell you.

Next thing you know babies will be born in the canned goods aisle of the supermarket and cigarettes will be given as a thoughtful get well present.

Whoops. Looks like I guessed everything COMPLETELY wrong.

At least 30 Rock won. There is SOME justice in the world.

Dear TV Gods. Get Conan O’Brien back. Ryan Seacrest? C’mon.

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