I swear to God I’m not making this up. This is all from one man sitting near me at the coffee shop. The following sound bites are all from this one crazy old English man speaking to a young Japanese student who clearly doesn’t know how to stop him.

“Well, we won the war because Churchill was a Sagitarius.”

Now this wouldn’t be so upsetting if the old man wasn’t distinguished looking and wearing a suit. He doesn’t LOOK crazy. But he obviously is. Because he said it in all sincerity. And then continued to talk about his own sign (Aries) and how it made him who he is. Even worse…the Japanese guy was completely enthralled.

Oh Jesus, he also just said:

“All the pretty girls are from Slovakia. Like her (points to random woman who may or may not be from Slovakia, but I’m guessing no) From Eastern Europe. That’s why I speak all those languages, to meet those beautiful girls.”

And he finally just said:

“The only thing to fear is fear itself.”

And he was trying to pass that off as his own pearl of wisdom. Classy. You old fucking freak.

Help.

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