October 2007


If you are not a HUGE DORK this entry probably won’t be of interest to you. Because I need to go over some concerns and questions I have in the casting of two movies, the adaptation of Alan Moore’s “Watchmen” and J.J. Abrams new “Star Trek.”

Let’s do “Star Trek” first.

Captain Kirk  = Chris Pine. Because if you can survive doing Just My Luck with Lindsay Lohan, battling deep space creatures is a piece of fuckin’ cake.

Mr. Spock = Zachary Quinto. SYLAR!! Needs to get those eyebrows waxed, but I can see it.

Bones McCoy = Karl Urban. Apparently he was in Lord of the Rings. But then again, who wasn’t? “Damn it Jim! I’m a doctor, not the Steward of Gondor!!” No? Me neither. I looked up his picture. Eh. Not impressed. I guess I’ll always have a soft spot for old DeForest Kelley, God rest his soul!

Scotty = Simon Pegg. This is inspired. Kind of surprising, but inspired, nonetheless.

Sulu = John Cho. Is this movie secretly called “Harold (Without Kumar) Goes to Space“? If so, that would be AWESOME. Also figure out a way to include Neil Patrick Harris, weed, and a cheetah. Sweet!!

Mr. Chekhov (just realized what a great choice that name is) = Anton Yelchin. WHO?

Uhura = Zoe Saldana…who was great in….Center Stage….as the ballerina with attitude. HUH? Are she and Kirk gonna make out? Ooooohhhhh you know it.

Ok, now for “Watchmen” which I just finished reading a few days ago….

Dr. Manhattan/Jon Osterman = Billy Crudup. I guess it makes sense. I’ve only ever seen Crudup play really whiny, self-absorbed characters. But I really don’t want to see him naked and painted blue. Like, ever.

Night Owl = Patrick Wilson. Now I’ve met Patrick Wilson very briefly (I waited on him once at a store) and he’s really nice, but I kind of think he’s too pretty to be Night Owl. And I mean that with love Patrick. You’re super pretty. I thought Night Owl should be more homely. Not so darn cute.

Silk Spectre = Malin Ackerman. WHO? I just imdb’d her…apparently she was some hot chick in….get ready for it… Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle!!! (It all comes back to the NPH)

The Comedian = Jeffrey Dean Morgan. NICE CHOICE I think he looks (or can be easily made to look if he bulks up a bit) just like the images in the book. The only awkward thing is that in real life he used to date Mary-Louise Parker….that’s right…..Billy Crudup’s baby mama. Oh damn. SO AWKWARD.

Rorschach = Jackie Earl Hayely. Ok. I don’t buy it yet, but I’m ready to be surprised. He’s definitely creepy. It could work.

Ozymandias = Matthew Goode. He was hot….I mean, talented, in Match Point. We’ll see. I thought Jude Law would have been perfect. Oh well.

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Wowee wow wow!! Now that I know how to upload stuff from YouTube (ok, it was never that hard in the first place, but I couldn’t be bothered) here is another video from “So You Think You Can Dance”

Last fruity/awesome dance video for a while, I promise. But I totally want to learn this routine!! The bit with the arms crossing over the table looks so good. And him karate-chopping her behind her knees to get her to fall down (my brother used to do that to me, but we were fighting to the death, not dancing).

If you thought Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video was the coolest ever….

Well, you’re right!

But in the spirit of it, I thought I’d pass along this fun video my friend sent me, it’s like “Thriller” set in Colonial Times!! And the music is super good, Roisin Murphy, a fun new discovery.

This past weekend, the movie “Dan In Real Life” came in a distant 2nd behind “Saw IV.” Seeing as the movie isn’t out yet here in Britain (damn you Britain!) I can’t really talk about it. But I have this HUGE question for the casting department.

Ok, I love Steve Carell. A fantastic leading everyman. I seriously think that in my lifetime he will win an Academy Award. I would follow him gladly into the fires of comic hell. Awesome.

But apparently the premise of the movie is that regular guy Dan (Carell) falls in love with this lady (Juliette Binoche! Where the fuck have you been?) but apparently she’s dating his brother (Dane Cook.)

WUH WUH WUH WWHHHHAAAAT?!?! (rattles head like Chester Cheetah)

In what kind of fucking universe does Juliette Binoche fall in love with Dane Cook?! Crazytown? Unbelievableville? Retarded Ideaonia?

(I mean, come on, you guys. Do the math.)

That being said, of course I’m still going to watch it. In a movie theatre. With popcorn. I seriously like Steve Carell that much. I also love the fact that playing another one of this absurdly cast family of brothers is Broadway actor Norbert Leo Butz. I love him because he embraces his ludicrous moniker and happens to have quite a lovely singing voice.

Steve…Dane…and Norbert. Obviously. The nuclear family.

Because I sure as hell don’t know. A few cute songs do not a lasting or relevant career make. And I know she isn’t famous because of her voice. Or her brain. Oh, snap. I went there.So what the hell?

She’s famous because Mark Ronson is an absurdly talented music producer, and mixed enough sweet hooks and backbeats on her debut album to make her whiny voice sound bearable. He’s also the man responsible for the stratospheric musical ascent of Amy Winehouse, as well as being a frequent collaborator of Maximo Park, Kasabien, and Robbie Williams. He has built a reputation for being a cool, laid-back, and inspired musician. The Independent (http://www.independent.co.uk/) spoke glowingly of his recent concert at the Roundhouse, saying “Ronson, dressed up in throwback pinstripe, is content for the most part to thrash away at his guitar, playing the ringmaster to his friends and protégés, but never stealing their thunder… Ronson is not just a friend to the famous. He’s a fan, too, just like the rest of us.” He seems like the kind of workmate that you’d want to go out of your way to help. Well, not the eternally-grateful Lily Allen, who without Ronson’s help would probably (still) be living off her mother and father’s celebrity.

Why the hating? Because Lily Allen was scheduled to appear onstage with Ronson at that concert, but decided that last minute she would rather get dressed up, have her picture taken, and dine at Nobu. What a jerk. Seriously. She only had to do one or two songs and then she could have gone to dinner. What makes her think she’s too good to help out the guy who gave her a career in the first place?

Remind me why she’s famous again? It’s obviously not for her class or loyalty.

I know, it’s almost too easy to go after Britney nowadays. She sets herself up to get knocked down more rapidly than the pins at a bowling alley. But I think she loves it. If everyone stopped taking her picture she might explode. So don’t worry, Brit. You’re still on my radar, even as I cross my fingers for your poor kids. I don’t think she’s left the driver’s seat of her car for months, and may only be consuming Starbucks’ frappucino’s for sustenance! Every picture I see of her, she’s behind the wheel of a car, clutching her little whipped coffee with white knuckled passion, that slight glint in her eye that suggesting that at long last, she’s come completely unhinged.Have you seen her photographed anywhere else? Consuming any other type of food or drink? It’s like, if she just drives around all the time, people will follow her and take her picture (true). And the coffee keeps her awake. My main concern is that if she DOESN’T ever changer her location, she’ll probably have a few more hit and run incidents – what’s the running total? Two? I think she’s currently being investigated for two separate hit and runs. Who gave her the driving test? Stevie Wonder? No, even Stevie would know better.

You guys….big news.

This is gonna be bigger than finding out that old guy was Deep Throat!

Ok. Brace Yourselves. Braced? Cool.

Grey’s Anatomy is TOTALLY the same show as Dawson’s Creek.

(oh my God!)

It’s just like the slightly grown up version. This is not only confirmed by the fact that Joshua Jackson (who played Pacey on the Creek) is going to be doing a guest arc on Grey’s but by the following points I figured out while eating a bowl of spaghetti and drawing my friend’s birthday card with colored pencils.

1. Main female characters (Meredith Grey, Joey Potter) are whiny brats with Daddy issues and strange mouths.

2. Everyone has slept with everyone else. (FACT.)

3. The big “will-they-won’t-they” of the main love interests (Dawson and Joey, Meredith and McDreamy) is dragged out waaaay too long to the point where you don’t care anymore

 4. Everyone speaks as if they are Mensa members on speed.

Ta-daaaah!!! The similarities are too much for me to handle. I might need to go take a nap. And when you think about it, the target audience that is making Grey’s Anatomy such a ratings juggernaut (slightly crazed young women such as myself) are the same people who were watching Dawson’s Creek in high school, years ago.

The only major difference is that Seattle Grace actually has people of color, whereas Racistville Capeside seemed to only be occupied by high-strung white people with major issues.

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