Last night, Fiona and I went to see August Rush, starring Robin Williams, Keri Russell, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, and Freddie Highmore, that cute little boy from every good movie where they have a cute little boy. Seriously, this kid is the second coming of Christian Bale. He’s totally going to be that guy. Except this movie was a huge mistake. A movie about a musical orphan prodigy (Highmore) trying to find his parents (Russell and Rhys Meyers, who thought he was dead) before being taken in by an unhinged street musican (Williams) and getting accepted to Juilliard (HUH?!?). How can a movie with FELICITY and the HOT DRUNK MESS that is Jonathan Rhys Meyers (playing guitar to boot!) not be good?!? I don’t know!! He’s so hot with his blue eyes and his cozy sweater and his guitar! Look!

But the movie still sucks hardcore. You know it’s a bad movie when:

1. You liked the trailer better.

2. You keep exclaiming aloud “This really sucks” and no one tells you to shut up.

3. Robin Williams makes you physically uncomfortable and you want his character dead immediately.

4. You laugh hysterically at the touching ending. Ok, maybe this is a bit confusing. There is a super-gooey ending to the movie, and suddenly the screen is enveloped in this glowing white light! Which leads me, as an audience member, to conclude that after the happy ending, New York was hit with a nuclear blast and they all died anyway. At least, that’s what I WANT to believe.