The uncle of the Abercrombie & Date Rapist looking kid who knocked up Britney’s little sister issued the following hilarious statement to People magazine. “I’d like to tell Casey that he may not like it, but it’s time for him to put on the man shoes,” Odus Jackson tells PEOPLE in an interview from his office at the Galilee Baptist Church in Gloster, Miss.

First of all, Odus (may I call you Odus? That is a brilliant name, sir, you couldn’t ask for a better backwoods stereotype) I couldn’t agree with you more! When you knock up a teenage celebrity, there will most definitely be music to face (as long as it’s not her older sister’s music! HA! I made a funny….). But what, pray tell, are “man shoes?”

Does wearing them make you a man?

If a lady wears man shoes will be be transformed into a man, like Darryl Hannah was tranformed into a mermaid when she touched water in Splash?

Do they look like this?

I need to know what man shoes are right away. Because, if they’re as good as they sound, the men in my life might need some, and there are only three shopping days left before Christmas!