I know the world is asking itself, “Sure the world is in turmoil, but what does she THINK about the Academy Award nominations?” Glad you stopped thinking about war, famine, and genocide for a moment. So let me kick it to you like this, short pants….

BEST PICTURE:  What an excitingly open year. Few things seem like “a lock.” I loved Atonement and think this may be the only statuette it picks up. But No Country for Old Men might pull a come-from-behind. That movie scared the living daylights out of me yo. If I ever see Javier Bardem, I am running for the fucking hills.

BEST ACTOR: Daniel Day-Lewis, you’re obviously mentally unstable, but that is clearly what makes you such a damn fine actor. Congratulations.

BEST ACTRESS: As much as I’d love to see Laura Linney win, I think it might actually be Ellen Page from Juno, making her the youngest winner in this category ever. I haven’t seen the movie yet (will soon) but maybe a win will inspire even more 16 year olds to get knocked up. Fingers crossed, right?

 BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Javier Bardem, you can keep your statuette as long as you promise not to gruesomely murder me with it. Deal? (PS. Hal Holbrook I love you. Sorry.)

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Tilda Swinton, your day has come. You may have to battle Amy Ryan to the death, but I think your ice-queen looks have finally terrified everyone into giving you this award. Now, back to Narnia!!

BEST DIRECTOR: Why the fuck was Joe Wright not nominated?!?! Is you peoples crazy?

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Diablo Cody for Juno. Because no one can resist the story of the enormously talented stripper-turned-sex-blogger-turned-brilliant-writer-whose-first-screenplay-was-hardly-reworked-and-it-became-a-massive-success.

 BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: Actually one of the toughest categories!! My fingers are crossed for The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, one of the most beautiful books I have ever read. Haven’t seen the movie yet, but I cannot wait.

BEST ORIGINAL SONG: I loved the music of Once. But “That’s How You Know” MADE Enchanted.