February 2008

I’m probably the last person in the world to know this but….

OH MY GOD!! They’ve cast Christopher Eccleston as Destro!!! (Squeal!)

(For people with more active social lives, this roughly translates as “the Former Dr. Who Will Be Playing the Bad-Ass Villian of G.I. Joe”) Need more visual clues? Try this:


I mean, I love Christopher Eccleston. I love love love him. So when I say he has the perfect shaped head to be encased in a giant chrome mask, I say it with all the love in my heart. He’s going to be fierce! So fucking great! Playing his sultry sidekick, the Baroness is Sienna Miller. While I’m not %100 this is a good idea, I’m willing to give her a chance, because I still think she was very good in Factory Girl. So maybe she’ll be a great Baroness! At least she’ll look cool. I always wanted to play the Baroness. Most girls with glasses, dark hair, and evil personalities do. She’s kind of like our patron saint. So if Sienna Miller falls down a flight of stairs, DO NOT COME LOOKING FOR ME. (I’ll be too busy cutting together my audition tape! Heehee!)

At some point, I’m sure I’ll talk about how unattractive I find Channing Tatum, who’s been cast as Duke. Sure, he’s got a great body, but something in his face just says “Possible Murderer” to me and I don’t like that. It’s not like Hollywood has a shortage of attractive, jacked-up, blonde actors. But that’s for another day, I’m afraid. I actually need to do other stuff.


LONDON, England (CNN) — An earthquake shook Britain early Wednesday, causing damage to buildings and leaving at least one person injured.


This image provided by the British Geological Survey shows the seismogram registering the earthquake at Market Rasen, England on Wednesday.

 The British Geological Survey put the preliminary magnitude for the earthquake at 5.3, according to the British Press Association.
SO YEAH!! Let’s hear it for my 2nd Earthquake!! Wooohoooo!!!
(1st small Earthquake happened during college. Was not in “right state of mind” to understand why room was shaking at the time)
It happened around 1am last night. I was Skyping (Seriously guys. I love Skype. It’s great.) with my best friend and had just had a really good long conversation about our lives. It was very much an “I love you man” kind of moment. We said goodnight and I crawled into bed to start editing some work.
Then my bed started shaking.
And instead of being logical, I thought “What the hell is going on downstairs?”
Then my bed shook some more and I came to my senses.
It seriously only lasted a few seconds, but there was some good quality shaking going on. And surprisingly, I wasn’t scared. Because the building I currently live in is like Alcatraz and I have no doubts as to its structural integrity. Then I edited some more and went to sleep.

On the corkboard above my desk is a picture of me and my friend Jules at a Halloween party, our senior year in college.

(Side Note: The Halloween party was hosted at my house and it was undoubtedly the most bitchingly awesome party of all time. There was copious booze and I even made my signature Halloween snack – “Ghosts in the Graveyard” – secret ingridents include Oreos and love)

In the pic, Jules looks super sexy, (but not in the slutty/desperate Halloween way), very pretty and with furry little cat ears over her slinky outfit. I, being a huge dork, dressed as Ted Allen (the foodie) from “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” which meant  my costume involved slicking back my hair, putting on a cool apron, and wearing…..my glasses.

I miss those glasses so much. I have a cool pair now, but my old pair was freaking perfect. A seemingly timeless blend of cute/intellectual/nerd. I wore those glasses for years, until they pretty much disintegrated in my hands.

Also, I saw Ted Allen once in Chelsea (insert stereotype here) and was so tempted to tell him that he was my costume on the best Halloween ever, but I feel that is not the way into anyone’s heart.

PS. I would be lying if I said I WASN’T  excited to see Step Up 2 The Streets. Get. To. Steppin’.

Greetings from the middle of my sternum, where the worst chest cold OF ALL TIME is currently making my breathing sound like a vaccuum cleaner filled with Gak (the Nickelodeon kind, non pizza-scented).

Anyways, I need to run something by you guys. So I was at a party last night (true) where shit started to get wild and crazy (no) as we drunkenly decided to figure out what kind of animals we all are (drama school style).

When the question was put to me by my friend (who is definitely a squirrel) I simply uttered “Probably a platypus. Yeah, a platypus. Awkward as fuck, but, you know, sort of oddly charming.” He laughed and gave me the pity “Awww” but HE DIDN’T SAY NO!!! So I was right on the money! Je suis a platypus.

(National Geographic photo was legit, but too big. So instead, here’s a rendering of a platypus kicking a peacock’s ass. Stupid, haughty peacock. Platypus showed you what.)

Other options bandied about for me were Kangaroo (probably because I was wearing cargo pants) and Sea Otter. I am amenable to all of these options.

PS. I am totally listening to “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going” and it’s getting all diva up in this piece.

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. — Astronauts aboard the International Space Station apparently have access to a gun. Russian Cosmonauts carry a gun on their Soyuz space capsule, which is attached to the space station.

Thank Goodness these astronauts are packing heat (IN A ZERO GRAVITY ENVIRONMENT) because I was beginning to think E.T. was getting a bit uppity and needed a cap popped in his ass.

Tonight I had the great pleasure of seeing Othello at the Donmar Warehouse! I had to que early for my precious standing room ticket, but it was totally worth it!! Because I got to see the amazing talent that is Chiwetel Ejiofor (seriously, he is the bombs) as Othello, and Ewan McGregor as Iago! And you know what? He was so good! His performance (and honestly, Iago carries the 3-plus hours show) was funny, it was scary and menacing, and it was DAMN FINE!! DAAAAMN. So fine.

Leaving the theatre, Mike and I also bumped into KEIRA KNIGHTLEY (who co-starred with Ejiofor in Love Actually) and her crazy hot boyfriend leaving the theatre! That’s so cool that she was in the audience! I know I’m in the proud minority, but I freakin’ love Keira Knightley. I think she’s fabulous. But for some reason I had it in my head that she was my height (5’9″ suckas) but she couldn’t have been over 5’6″. She was petite, and naturally slim – no grotesque and obvious eating disorder. And she was every bit as pretty as she looks in magazines and on film. I am so freaking pumped to have seen them all tonight.

IMPORTANT: This blog is not a feeble attempt to ellicit responses of “You’re being crazy”  or “You are pretty, I swear” etc. I’m just telling you something that is both funny/pathetic. Just like my life. So take it in stride. I do.

 This past weekend I was at a party with a friend I’ve a huge crush on. Things went smashingly. He spent lots of time with me, being generally cute and touchy-feely. We ended up sneaking off to talk several times throughout the evening. At one point (a few pints later) the running commentary in my head began to sound like this:

“Oh he totally likes you back.”

“You don’t know that for sure.”

“Please. If one of your girlfriends was telling you this story, you would say the same thing.”


“Look at him. Looking at you. Touching your waist. Unnecessarily. Kiss him, you fool.”

“NO!! Are you crazy?”

“Why not?”

“Because…if I kiss him….and he doesn’t like me…which he probably doesn’t….then it’ll ruin his night.”

So yes, I’ve decided that my displays of affection (even the imagined ones) are enough to ruin people’s evenings. Because, if I put myself in his shoes, and someone I didn’t fancy kissed me, it could ruin a night. And a friendship. I’m being paranoid I’m sure. But I’m also being careful, because even if I’m in crush, I value the friendship too much to be the one to fuck it up.