IMPORTANT: This blog is not a feeble attempt to ellicit responses of “You’re being crazy”  or “You are pretty, I swear” etc. I’m just telling you something that is both funny/pathetic. Just like my life. So take it in stride. I do.

 This past weekend I was at a party with a friend I’ve a huge crush on. Things went smashingly. He spent lots of time with me, being generally cute and touchy-feely. We ended up sneaking off to talk several times throughout the evening. At one point (a few pints later) the running commentary in my head began to sound like this:

“Oh he totally likes you back.”

“You don’t know that for sure.”

“Please. If one of your girlfriends was telling you this story, you would say the same thing.”


“Look at him. Looking at you. Touching your waist. Unnecessarily. Kiss him, you fool.”

“NO!! Are you crazy?”

“Why not?”

“Because…if I kiss him….and he doesn’t like me…which he probably doesn’t….then it’ll ruin his night.”

So yes, I’ve decided that my displays of affection (even the imagined ones) are enough to ruin people’s evenings. Because, if I put myself in his shoes, and someone I didn’t fancy kissed me, it could ruin a night. And a friendship. I’m being paranoid I’m sure. But I’m also being careful, because even if I’m in crush, I value the friendship too much to be the one to fuck it up.