August 2008


If I had a kid, to name it Dorian Gray?

I just think it’s kind of a nice name. I mean, by the time I have the kid, and it goes to school (figure 20 years or so) humanity will be so stupid, it won’t remember the Oscar Wilde book at all. And they won’t tease my poor son about, like, wanting to live forever so he encases his ageing self in a portrait and is all sexually promiscuous and debaucherous while he is young and pretty.

Right?

I also like the names Charlie, Caroline and Harper for my kids. So I’m calling dibs amongst my friends. No taking those names. Pets count too. No cats named Charlie.

1. Frankie Boyle – This man is hilarious. Hi-lari-i-ous.

2. “Merry Happy” by Kate Nash (Also this picture of Kate Nash, which is utterly carefree and adorable)

 

3. Corn on the Cob – IT IS SO GOOD! I want to eat it all the time!

4. Video text messages – I just sent one last night to my friend. It was a 10 second clip of me smiling, waving and blowing a kiss. They’re like a little digital high-five. Nice to give and receive.

5. Walking everywhere, avoiding public transit – A way to get slim, save money, and say “whatever, yo” to the transit strikes

6. Day trips – To anywhere.

7. Stoner comedies – Harold and Kumar (I still need to rent the sequel, maybe I’ll do that tonight), Smiley Face (weird but enjoyable), Saving Grace (for the whole family!), Pineapple Express (which has yet to come out in the UK)

8. Thunderstorms – Like the one happening outside my window RIGHT NOW!

9. Guyliner – Glam-rock cute. Works on very few men, but those who rock it, rock it hard. That is to say, pretty much only David Bowie, Brandon Flowers, Eddie Izzard and Ewan McGregor look hot in eyeliner. No, Johnny Depp does NOT look good in eyeliner. He looks like a pirate. Pirate does not equal sexually attractive, of if you think so, this is not the website for you. Go to some Pirate fetish website, you crazy bitch.

10. Creative ways of cleaning my skin – Mud mask anyone?!? (Not terribly sexy, but it’s fun to watch it dry to the color of an old antique, and then crack off your skin like you ARE an antique! Wheeee!)

Things that happened in August (in no particular order)

1. Dumped (tres lame. tres cowardly. still really sad.)

 

2. Birthday! (Saw Hamlet at RSC. Was the bomb digs. David Tennant is absurdly good. He made (gasp) strong, clear, well-thought-out choices and stuck to them. Production was great all around. Patrick Stewart was also a welcome addition. Sat near lots of fanboys/fangirls eager to be in touching distance of both “The Doctor” and “Jean-Luc Picard”!)

3. Family emergency (not fun!)

4. Trip to Arundel Castle (fun!)

5. Identity theft and filing of fraud claims (who wants the identitiy of a broke 26 year old? Not me. Wait…)

6. Bank saying they never received said fraud claims (I always get a Southern person on the line when I call their help center, and by the end of the conversation, I find myself speaking in a Southern accent too. That is wack.)

7. Trip to Scotland!

8. Massive falling out with friend!

9. Seeing premiere of new Matthew Bourne piece, Dorian Gray! (The story doesn’t really translate well, but the dancing is flawless and the sexy fellas are nice eye candy – a must for dance-nerds!)

10. Hit by a car! (lightly, but still, how fucking ridiculous!)

11. Thesis advisor tells you to gut massive plot point out of play! You disagree but must do what he wants in order to pass!

12. Massive headache en route back from Scotland…for 4 hours on train. Uncomfortable city.

12.5. John McCain makes cheap and desperate looking move to scoop up Hilary Clinton’s sloppy seconds by picking some chick from Alaska with no experience to be his VP. Subsequently, if McCain kicks off (and he is already 3,000 years old) we will have a President who looks like a less pretty clone hybrid of Tina Fey and Mariska Hargitay of Law and Order: SVU. Also, Mrs. Palin hates gays and choice and happiness and sparkles.

13. Back in time to type-up a motherload of work and hope September will be a big turn-around.

Hello again, everyone.

After the most COMICALLY BAD month of August ever, we’re making our long-awaited (better than the NKOTB) comeback! And to kick it off in style, A TAPERED MIND is now one of those fun Facebook pages, that you can join and say you’re a fan of it.

I mean, on Facebook, you can also be a fan of “toast” and “kittens” but we’re excited to be there anyway.

Stay tuned for the August wrap up, in which I prove that Murphy’s law is in fact alive and thriving.