April 2009

Because my brother wanted to know about the follow up to the hit “In fact, they do so” album….


In case you forgot how the game goes, the rules are as follows (I’m skipping part one, since the name Gum Gum Punch is too good to let go).

2 – Go to “Random quotations” or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3 The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3 – Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days” or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 – Use photoshop or similar to put it all together.

RESULT: HAHAHAHHAHAH!! This is so amazing. Seriously not rigged. Obviously GGP decided to go through a thrash-metal phase. Neat.



Dear Ladies,

Dating alternates between being tons of fun, and being stuck in Home Depot for hours.  Because the world can often be a scary and fucked up place, we’re not sure if the cute boy we met at the bar last weekend is our soulmate, or the Craigslist Killer. And while that uncertainty sucks, it’s important to put your safety first. Which is why I am offering my three motherly rules for keeping your ass safe, while still enjoying yourself.

1. YOUR PLACE OR PUBLIC. Last weekend, a guy wanted me to come back to his place at 11:45 to “hang out.” For God’s sake. I asked him to come meet me (and my friends, who would be quietly seated off to the side so they could pick him out of a lineup if necessary) for a drink. He said no, and got grumpy. Subsequently, he didn’t get any. No matter how much you want to hook up, put your safety first. Now personally, I prefer my place for romancin’. Because it’s my turf, and I know where all the sharp objects are, should I need them.

2. WATCH YOUR DRINK. Having a man buy you a drink is very flattering. And in these harsh economic times, rather convenient. However, if you decide to let a fella buy you a whiskey, keep your eyes on it. From the bottle to the bartender to your lips to God’s ear, make sure nobody puts any kind of weird shit in your drink. Because if it happens (and when it happened to me, thank God I was out in a large group and protected) you will go from “fun” to “fucked up” in a snap. So be careful. And him buying you a drink doesn’t mean you owe him anything except a polite “thank you.”

3. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. This is not meant to just be scary. Don’t forget, I said dating should be fun. Just have common sense. Don’t go into unfamiliar places with guys you don’t know, no matter how fun and sexy they are. Don’t be an idiot. And if you’re going on a proper date (lucky you!) make sure one of your girlfriends knows where you’re going, and give her the guy’s name and number, just in case. Maybe even have her call and check in on you. It seems paranoid and crazy, but really, at the end of the day, your safety should always be priority number one.

Have fun out there, kiss some frogs/princes, and take care. It’s a fun world, when you live in it with intelligence.

You know David Wenham. Don’t you. Yeah, you do. 

If you don’t know the name, you know the face. The super duper handsome Aussie face.

I haven’t seen everything he’s ever done (because that would be insanely creepy) but the things I have seen him in, he’s the best part! Case in point:

1. Lord of the Rings. He played Faramir (fuck, I’m a dork) but was cast because both he and Sean Bean have similar noses – true story. But he’s so good. I found myself chatting to the screen while he was on, like “boy, stab that Orc! Stab that motherfucker!”

2. Van Helsing. Yeah I saw it. Judge me. But he played Carl, the wise-cracking monk, and the only funny part of the film (unless you count Kate Beckinsale’s accent…burn!) and brilliant line delivery during a film that I love in spite of all its badness is not something to be sneered at.

3. Australia. I just saw it last night. What a bizarre fucking movie. I think it should have maybe settled on 1 or 2 genres, rather than try to be about 8 different types of movie. But Hugh Jackman was suitably rugged and handsome. But Wenham, he was such a good villain. You wanted to kill him yourself, but felt bad about it, because he’s so good looking. I’m sure people feel the same way about me all the time. They look at me and want me dead, but then the sun sparkles off my smile and they just can’t bring themselves to do it. Then they give me a high five and I go about my merry way.