After months of not being able to bring myself to look up my ex on Facebook (for fear his profile picture would be him with some gorgeous new girl) I finally did.

And he looks like hell.

He looks exhausted, strung-out, and generally shite. But I don’t feel vindicated. I thought I would say “Ha! Sucks to be you, prick!” and gleefully go about my business. That’s not how I felt at all. I feel really sad. Because even though he royally fucked up my head (which is still being sorted) I wish he was OK. I wish him happiness. Under layers and layers of a mind that needs a lot of therapy is someone I really love(d).

Maybe it’s just a bad picture. But I won’t ever know, and that’s even sadder. Think twice before you go dredging rivers that you thought were dried up. There may be stuff there you’re not ready to see.

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