Dear Tom Chaplin

I would first like to write you and let you know how much I enjoy the music of Keane. Though my peers often ridicule me for your sweeping, somewhat emo belting ballads about love and life, I can’t get enough of them, and have seen you in concert more than once. I even had tickets to the “Under the Iron Sea” tour which got cancelled a few years back…which brings me to the second part of my letter….

I don’t know if this is an OK thing to say, but I never say the right thing anyway, so here goes. Sobriety looks great on you. You are a full 80% better looking now that you are laying off the sauce. No more puffy face and glazed eyes, and you are lookin’ GOOD son. Keep it up.



With much affection

PS. Can you please explain to me the video for “The Lovers Are Losing”? It seems like you are walking through a field, bein’ all sexy and shit, before getting attacked by thugs wearing WWII gas masks and shooting at you. And you run, run, run for your life before meeting up with a bunch of dead, slaggy schoolgirls. Am I right?