August 2009


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 Apparently, the Broadway musical, “Spider Man: Turn Off The Dark” has hit a bit of a roadbump and run out of money. The estimated running cost of this musical (millions of dollars per week) would need it to sell out every night for five years just to break even. And it hasn’t opened. Needless to say, I think we should just call this one Julie Taymor’s “Lost in La Mancha” and call it a day. I don’t think anyone really wanted a Sprider Man musical anyway, did they? Just the thought of it made me go “Meh.” Sure, it would probably look awesome, with some web slinging tricks, but I really think Sam Raimi managed to make that all look AMAZING on screen, and to be honest, I’m not sure it’s the type of story that will translate to stage.

As for the music of Bono and the Edge, that could be cool. Or it could be kind a disaster. I mean, do I have to sit through a ballad from Mary Jane Watson about how she feels there could be something more to Peter Parker, but she really just loves Spider Man? NOOOO!

Maybe they will make the money back and the show will go on as planned. I’m ready to be proven wrong, I just think my Spidey sense hasn’t failed me yet…..

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Last night, on the way home from a lovely night out with my friend Katie, I had the (mildly intoxicated) idea for next summer’s big hit movie. This is gonna be a big one. Are you ready?

G.I. Joe & Julia

(Coming to a theatre near you….Summer 2010)

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Combining two big hits of this summer (they even came out on the same day!) G.I. Joe & Julia will find Destro (Christopher Eccleston) not finding work at COBRA fulfilling now that Cobra Commander is in charge and the Baroness has shacked up with Duke again. To get his mojo back, he begins cooking his way through Julia Child’s famous cookbook.  We will also get to see moments of Julia child’s time as a spy (because she fucking was! What a bad ass!) intercut with battles between G.I. Joe and Cobra. But most importantly, we will see Destro in an apron, blowing away a dozen members of the Crimson Guard when his souffle falls.

 

Can we make this movie tomorrow? This has MTV MOVIE AWARDS written all over it.