January 2010


Bravo TV – purveyor of such insanity classics as Top Chef (which I actually love) The Real Housewives (all of whom should be displayed in a zoo), Work Out (viva Jackie!), and The Millionaire Matchmaker have also brought us Shear Genius, a hair stylist competition that has unleashed stars such as Tabitha (go Tabitha!) and Doctor Boogie.

This show has been hosted by such illustrious celebrities as that lady from Charlie’s Angels, some other chick, and now, Matthew McConaghey’s BabyMama, Camila Alves.

WHAT?!? Until she let Matty Mac (because I’m pretty sure I refuse to spell McConaghey incorrectly half a dozen times) stick a bongo-lovin’ surf baby or two in her, she was just another gorgeous model.

And yes, she’s RIDICULOUSLY HOT. I’m not going to contest that. But since when does being a hot celeb whose greatest claim to fame was getting pregnant, land you a reality show?!? I mean, who the fuck was Padma before Top Chef? Salman Rushdie’s hot wife! How Bravo selects hosts is beyond me. But I want in. You hear me Bravo?!? I wanna piece of this!!

Should I?

I don’t know. I’m leaning towards no. I think I’d feel dirty. But I basically exist in stream-of-conscious thoughts, so maybe it would be perfect.

If you’d like to convince me either way, opinions welcome.

On FB, it’s Doppelganger week, in which you are encouraged to post a picture of the celebrity whom you are told most often that you resemble. In truth, since high school, I’ve always gotten Keri Russell, which I LOVE but think is being a bit generous. I mean, I remember going to the movies, and the excitable/probably high fellow taking tickets kept tugging my arm and telling me I looked like “Felicity before that dumb girl cut her hairs.” ¬†While I don’t want to slander Ms. Russell’s good name, sometimes if I squint I think I see the similarities between us.

However, in my mind’s eye (which someday I would like someone to explain to me how and why my mind got itself an eye) I feel more like dis:

That’s right. El Chupe! The goat-slayer. Who apparently, at least in this photo, has taken up Dodgeball.

What the dickens is the iPad?!?

I’m out of touch for a day or two and suddenly there is an iPhone on steroids on sale for $499?!? Is it a laptop? Is it a TV? What’s it all about, Alfie? (Please only respond if your name is in fact, Alfie.)

Oh my days.

I picked up Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief after seeing the trailer for the forthcoming film version, and thinking “that looks mighty cool.”

These books are wonderful. 5 in all, they tell the adventures of Percy Jackson, son of Poseidon, and his struggles to be a normal teenager, who happens to have a cyclops half-brother, girl troubles with a daughter of Athena, and is waging a war against the newly risen Titan Lord, Kronos. These books are SICK GOOD. I mean, I’m a slow reader, and I finished the series in little over a week. They are so well written, with characters so brilliantly developed, that you become attached right away, and any time you peel your mind away from the world, you realize how fully immersed your imagination has been. It truly was the greatest reading experience I’ve had in quite a long time. Can’t recommend them highly enough! I just wish there were more books! Get cracking Rick! I need more Percy!!

VALENTINE’S DAY, coming soon to a theatre full of single women near you.

Just like LOVE ACTUALLY, but with Americans and set two months later.

Whatevs.

I’m going. I’m not going to lie to you. I’m going to love this shit. I can just feel it. My friend was telling me how hot he thinks Bradley Cooper is, and while that is completely legit, in terms of the (incredibly handsome) cast members of this film, my heart belongs to…..Topher Grace.

That’s right!

Come on. Look at the guy. He’s crazy good looking, but in a way that doesn’t make me think he spends a gross amount of time at the gym and/or hair salon. He looks…normal. A very attractive normal, but like someone you might meet through friends and develop a crush on, because while you know he’s physically attractive, what you were really drawn to was his intelligence and cavalier use of sarcasm and pop-culture references.

*swoon*

I mean, seriously?!?

I seriously tried to convince someone the other day that Brian Dennehy was the old Southern guy on “Evening Shade” (at some point, we need to talk about how amazing/ridiculous that show was, and how it really needs to be revived, because there is a whole big audience of rednecks out there RIGHT NOW who need to give me money) and then I realized it was Charles Durning. This is even worse than the time I thought Barry White was Barry Manilow. Or I thought James McAvoy was really a satyr.

Why has this not been exploited on film?! Where is the script that calls for two old white male twins?!? WHERE??

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