Oh. Dear. God.

I’m supposed to be working on a new play. That’s what I’m supposed to be doing. But you know what? I GOT THE RAGE! My friend said “Girl, You Gotta Check Yo’ Aggro!” which is cool-girl speak for “Your levels of aggravation are a wee bit on the scary side” when I yet again nearly lost my temper on some fucking fool.

Is this how Mr. T feels all the time? How do you live like this, T? HOW?!

Yeah, I’m a bit stressed. Kind of hate life. Depressed. Angry. Hopeless. But being surrounded by fools IN MY PLACE OF RESIDENCE is putting me over the edge. I am moments away from opening my bedroom door and beating a room full of strangers to death with the nearest available object (which in my case is a bottle of SoBe Lifewater, Pomegranate Cherry flavor, which is glorious, as it tastes just like yummy childhood fave Capri Sun, but in respectable adult packaging). These fools are my idiot roommate and his thoughtless, Smirnoff Twist drinking, Ed Hardy-esque, buddies. I’m so over this kid. He’s a bloody idiot, and his favorite past times include casual bigotry, ignorance, being a tool, and talking loudly at late hours like a bastard.

But he and his little posse of friends are CHURCH people, which for some reason, seems to give them the impression they are cooler than me. FALSE. I believe everyone should figure out their own private relationship with God, or the lack thereof. These people aren’t bad, per se, just really really, not my kind.

So I will cheer myself by posting a nice picture for us all to enjoy. Ta-dah.

What is this little wonder, you ask? It’s a scarf my GENIUS friend Kristen knitted for her fella as a Valentine’s Day present. And in case you think your eyes are failing, they’re not. The pattern is indeed one of cows mounting each other. I’ve put in an order for one with moose instead of cows. Exciting!!!

Now please excuse me. Before I get back to writing my play, I’m going to fake a loud phone conversation using the phrases “He said the sex was like fucking crack cocaine” (Thanks for the lead, John Mayer!) and “Godless motherfucking slutwhore” and then screaming “Shoot him! Shoot him!” before sweetly saying “Goodnight, Uncle Reggie.”