I shouldn’t be surprised that no charges will be filed against ragemachine supermodel Naomi Campbell for YET AGAIN hitting someone and (this part is new!) fleeing the scene.

Why this is funny: Does a world famous supermodel really think she can “blend in” and hide on the streets of New York? This isn’t “The Fugitive!” Tommy Lee Jones would have her ass in shackles before lunchtime! He wouldn’t even need one of those donuts “with the sprinkles on it.” Also, why is she the easiest person ON THE PLANET to upset?

“Hey Naomi, look at that puppy!”


“Naomi, would you please pass the salt?”


Why this is actually utterly pathetic: Let’s just say, in the unlikely event I ever cross paths with Naomi Campbell, I’d clock her one just for fun. Punch by proxy. Who the fuck does she think she is? Being rich and famous and pretty does not excuse laying hands on other people.

But justice does not exist for the facially and physically gifted. Kate Moss does more eight balls than a billiards tournament (zing! worst joke ever! you’re welcome) and somehow she’s still allowed custody of her daughter. Because money means you’re above the law.  That should be the first class offered in law school. Just a suggestion.

When I did a Google Image search for “Naomi Campbell Kate Moss” these were the first two that got spat out, and they’re perfect. The first, a VOGUE cover, has “Wanted!” (which they should be! By the law!) on it, and the 2nd is them drunkenly dancing. While it may look at first as if they are doing a little back-to-back shimmy, I’m pretty positive if you look closely that Naomi is hiking up her dress to get ready to pounce on someone, and Kate is too high to stand up without assistance.