News & Media


There are not enough sad face emoticons in the universe to express how this story made me feel.

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20475069,00.html

Knut was the adorable polar bear whose face and fluffiness launched a thousand “awwww” exclamations back in 2007.

He was only 4 years old. Polar Bears can live well into their 30s, so the Berlin Zoo will perform an autopsy on his body. He collapsed in his environment and no foul play is suspected.

Enjoy heaven, Knut. There are no tourists and plenty of fish.

When I wake up in the morning, there’s only one man I absolutely need to see in my apartment.

And that man, is NY1’s very own Pat Kiernan.

His Wikipedia page begins as follows: Patrick (“Pat”) Kiernan (born November 20, 1968) is a New York City news anchor, appearing as the morning anchor of NY1 since 1997. Kiernan has become widely known in New York City for his “In the Papers” feature, in which he summarizes the colorful content in New York City‘s daily newspapers, replete with his deadpan humor. Kiernan is usually on air between 5 AM until 10 AM.

Mr. Kiernan is pretty much the funniest and most awesome news anchor (David Muir still has a lock on hottest) out there. He’s also obviously a direct descendant of the Keebler Elf.

Every morning, he approaches the stories with the perfect balance of interest and amusement. When the topic is serious, he’s all business, but when the story is obviously insane (my favorite is when he reads the newspapers and makes hilarious, off-the-cuff comments about the headlines) he manages to illuminate situations without ever being mean or condescending. I mean, I often laugh out loud during the morning news! How cool is that? He even has a Facebook page – and I’m not talking about a fan page – but his actual page where you can be his friend! I’m too overwhelmed to friend him. Maybe I’ll get up the nerve at some point.

 

For allowing people across America, nay the world, to see this very very funny sign someone posted. Whoever you are, I salute you.

Oh dear Charlie Sheen

You’re not Dionysus, son.

Hot Shots! is ruined.

Today, the mayor of NYC is expected to sign into law a bill that will prohibit smoking in public parks, pedestrian plazas,  and beaches.

And even as a non-smoker (or really, someone who only picks up a cigarette after an abysmally stressful day) I think this kind of sucks. Because as much as I think it’ll be good to have fewer cigarette butts in public locales, it’s still in my opinion an over-policing of how New Yorkers live their lives.

Some argue that it will cut down dramatically on secondhand smoke inhalation. But if that’s such a concern, I’d recommend moving out of the city altogether, seeing as street grit, bus exhaust, and general smog have probably done more to take time off your life than the waft from a cigarette ever would. This is a free country. If smokers, who are now VERY well educated on the consequences of their choice, want to smoke, let them. I’m so sick of those people who huffily move out of the way of someone who is quietly smoking, and not exhaling in their face. It’s just so damn self-righteous. Allergies are one thing, but maybe you stink too. Can we police body odor? Bad choices of perfume? I’m just not sure where it stops.

My blood pressure is rising just thinking about it! Maybe I want a…..nah, just kidding. I’m not worked up at all.

I shouldn’t be surprised that no charges will be filed against ragemachine supermodel Naomi Campbell for YET AGAIN hitting someone and (this part is new!) fleeing the scene.

Why this is funny: Does a world famous supermodel really think she can “blend in” and hide on the streets of New York? This isn’t “The Fugitive!” Tommy Lee Jones would have her ass in shackles before lunchtime! He wouldn’t even need one of those donuts “with the sprinkles on it.” Also, why is she the easiest person ON THE PLANET to upset?

“Hey Naomi, look at that puppy!”

KER-POW!!

“Naomi, would you please pass the salt?”

BAM!!!

Why this is actually utterly pathetic: Let’s just say, in the unlikely event I ever cross paths with Naomi Campbell, I’d clock her one just for fun. Punch by proxy. Who the fuck does she think she is? Being rich and famous and pretty does not excuse laying hands on other people.

But justice does not exist for the facially and physically gifted. Kate Moss does more eight balls than a billiards tournament (zing! worst joke ever! you’re welcome) and somehow she’s still allowed custody of her daughter. Because money means you’re above the law. ¬†That should be the first class offered in law school. Just a suggestion.

When I did a Google Image search for “Naomi Campbell Kate Moss” these were the first two that got spat out, and they’re perfect. The first, a VOGUE cover, has “Wanted!” (which they should be! By the law!) on it, and the 2nd is them drunkenly dancing. While it may look at first as if they are doing a little back-to-back shimmy, I’m pretty positive if you look closely that Naomi is hiking up her dress to get ready to pounce on someone, and Kate is too high to stand up without assistance.

GREAT game, right?!? WHO DAT SAINTS!! It’s nice to see good things happen for a city that’s been through so much. I was watching with some friends who had money on the game (one of those matrices of points scored per quarter) which added to the excitement.

But what the nut with the commercials?! Apart from the kids toys in the KIA automobile (which was cute, but not earth-shattering) the ads were GARBAGE!!! What a bad year for Superbowl ads!! Blech.

PS. Speaking of Roman Numerals, I suggest that if you are in a bar and someone asks for your number, give it to them in Roman Numerals. If they figure it out, they’re totally worth a shot.

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