So….holy shit. Let’s take a moment here to observe Dame Maggie Smith, (Age 76, cancer survivor) newly minted action heroine.

This new one-sheet, for the final installment of the Harry Potter franchise, is truly the epitome of badassery. Allow me to simply draw your eye to the lower portion of the image, where the force of Dame Maggie’s magic throwin’ has caused copious, Dexter-esque blood spatters to scatter across her posters.

That’s right, folks. Classically trained actors don’t fuck around. BLOOD SPATTERS? Also, the strapline “It All Ends” is not only referring to the series conclusion, but also to your life if you cross Dame Maggie.


I’ve just gotten off the phone with one of the best friends I’ll ever know in this life…my B! She is a regular reader of this blog (God love her), so I thought I would give an internet-wide shout-out to my best friend.

B and I have been friends since the womb. No, for reals. Our parents are also friends, and our mothers were pregnant with us at the same time. Even though I sneakily escaped from Uterus City a month before she did, I’ve always felt that we were really just sisters from separate gene pools. We even share the same pale, dark, good looks 🙂 We also share a love for romantic comedies, books geared towards teenagers, and the need to plan things in advance.

One of my favorite memories of college was driving from New York to Boston to visit her at school. We hung out, walked around the pond (where I pocketed a rubber duck, which I still have somewhere) and watched Legally Blonde in her room. And I got a sweatshirt from her school – I collect uni sweatshirts, it’s a weird thing I like – gave her a hug, and was on my way. It was so much fun. That’s the kind of silly, relaxing stuff you can do with a best friend, but because they mean so much to you, and time with them is precious, even the ordinary stuff becomes the kind of thing you remember forever.

Some friends drift apart with adulthood. You move to a new state, get a job, get married. Your priorities change. Not us. We actually drifted closer, if that’s possible. I’m like that piece of debris from the sinking Titanic and she is Kate Winslet, holding on to me. We drift together through arctic waters. Leonardo DiCaprio? No thanks. We don’t need him. We’re drifting just fine, thank you very much.

Though B works in a high-powered, intense job, and is happily married and expecting her first child (yay!) she always makes time for me, which means so much. Right now, my dad is really sick…again. And she’s offered multiple times to fly hours (whilst pregnant) just to see me and be there in support. Not a lot of friends do that in sincerity. But she does. And we’ll do that for each other for the rest of our lives. Through all those big growing up moments. It’s nice to know you don’t have to do it alone. And that someone else will always want to make plans with you.

When is a friendship really and truly over?

The answer, I discovered, is when someone you were already drifting apart from publishes heinously offensive things concerning people you care about on the motherfucking internet.

*Now, wait a sec, you might say. Aren’t you doing the same thing, by talking about it in your blog?*

Glad you asked that question, editorial voice in my head. Because I believe the answer is no. I’m going to explain why I’m angry, but not give any clues to my relationship with this former friend, or whom it was she insulted. Subsequently, you won’t be able to guess her identity. To the contrary, my former friend  made it very very clear whom she was insulting.

I seriously couldn’t sleep last night, I wanted to verbally slaughter this girl so badly. I wanted to call her (but luckily, deleted her number before I could do harm) and let her know what a disgusting, useless, hypocrite she is. I wanted to let her know how vain and silly she is. I wanted her to know that if we ever cross paths again, she can look forward to a massive wad of my spit hitting her right in the face.

RAGEY, right? And that’s so completely not my style. After thinking of why this made me so blind with rage, I understood, it’s because this girl and I used to be close friends. I loved spending time with her. I stood up for her, stood by her, and was always happy to see her. When we grew apart, I was sad, but that’s growing up….but when this happened, I feel like I never really knew her at all. The cute, fun girl I thought was my buddy was just a dream. And all I’m left with is an alarming amount of hate in my heart, the kind that consumes your thoughts and keeps you up all night.

So I called my boyfriend and let all this out. Then I steeled myself for what would inevitably be the realization of his terrible mistake – he doesn’t want to date some Crazypants McRagemachine! Talented, handsome guys like him (who can cook like pro chefs) don’t need to put up with that shit. But he didn’t bolt. He invited me to talk about it, and listened to why I was upset. He’s kind of amazing like that. Also, seriously, he’s the most amazing cook in the world. He’s made me like eating salmon and brussel sprouts (!) and I would pretty much commit murder for the veggie tacos he fixed for lunch today.

Lesson? Friendships fall apart. People aren’t always who we thought they were, or who we hoped they would be. But it’s the ones who are left standing with us who will matter in the long run. Especially if they can make french fries from scratch.

There are not enough sad face emoticons in the universe to express how this story made me feel.,,20475069,00.html

Knut was the adorable polar bear whose face and fluffiness launched a thousand “awwww” exclamations back in 2007.

He was only 4 years old. Polar Bears can live well into their 30s, so the Berlin Zoo will perform an autopsy on his body. He collapsed in his environment and no foul play is suspected.

Enjoy heaven, Knut. There are no tourists and plenty of fish.

1. I’ll be the first to admit, I’m completely jealous of this girl’s body. Implants aside, she looks great.

2. That being said, I hate this new costume. Blue spandex pants? If we’re going to update my beloved Wonder Woman, let’s not get her something that looks like I got it at Ricky’s blowout sale. We can even make the costume some kind of all-black, motorcycle thing and give her a “Batman Begins” kind of treatment. It’s just sad that my Halloween costume looks better, and probably cost $3000 less.

3. I hope this TV show gets some serious fixes before (and if) it ever gets to air.

4. Crazy red lipstick?????

2 years ago today, my BFF married an incredible man at a lovely and truly heartfelt ceremony….

1 year ago today, those same friends came to New York to watch the final show of my first major play production…

Today I was ignored and treated like a useless waste of space at work.

Game fucking over. I’m taking my life back. I feel so much anger and determination it’s like there’s lightning in my hands.

March 15….beware the Ides….